My path varies. Sometimes it is smooth and at others, filled with the turbulence of the new or the dark shades of the past. At one moment, the light shines brightly and the way seems clear. The next, the old realities assert themselves with all their ancient pitfalls. I find this disorienting in my attempts to hold the Truth of them all.
For me, this path of Ascension is to be walked alone. If I try to align myself to any ascension group-think, I find myself caught in the perceptions of those the group regards as wise or leaders. They are correct for themselves, but they cannot hold the entire Truth for me. I can respect their wisdom but I find I want choices – as many choices as possible – because each choice opens up a potential new pathway to explore and I must listen to the heartbeat of each to learn whether this is for me. Many are not and I must learn to respect the difference and free both of us to go our own ways.
And sometimes it seems like the path vanishes and I am alone with my emotions apparently without waymarkers.
At present, I have just come through a dark passage where ancient scars have ached again, tumbling into pain and grief. The main initiator of my descent to the depths is anger and rage. As a woman, the old regimes tell me of my lack of worth, my lack of value and my exile from this heartless world of men. The harsher the message, the deeper my rage at the Lie. Yet as my Spirit Guides lead me further down, I am reminded of how my anger and rage is just the first Gate to the Underworld of Being. As I dive below, I discover my Truth that these feelings are simply to protect the depths of hurt I feel as a woman.
This existential wound asks questions. How is it possible that a woman born to a female Planet can have no place there as Her Self? How is it that, as a woman, my Self is actively and enthusiastically dismembered into aspects that feed the darkness: whether as a physical body socially deemed to be unattractive or as an intelligent, feeling, magnificent Living Being regarded as valueless because I fail to produce money or power for the abusers. And why is it that so many women themselves cling to such personally destructive thought-forms by actually inflicting or perpetuating them for our Sisters of Difference?
In my Awareness, I know these attitudes are passing away – this is part of our Planetary Evolution – but they haven’t passed yet… at least in my own experience. So I look to why they continue to haunt me as they do.
So, it seems today’s lesson is about the value of pain.
I know, beyond all doubt, that the measure of my pain and grief – so deep it can seem without end – is balanced by my capacity for Love. This I know because I use this knowledge to heal others in deep pain, male and female, from the malicious knife-twisting used by Destroyers to turn pain into suffering that they might feed their appetite for power.
Today I find I am not yet grown enough to be able to embrace all of this in the poignant awareness of Loving Balance. The desecration of the Feminine into pornography/obscenity and the damage done cannot be healed in an instant, it seems to me, because all the Sacred Lessons contained within each experience would be lost. As a result, I discover I am growing. And the waymarker is through my pain.
Each time I have learned a single Sacred Lesson of Pain, I have also learned that I cannot inflict this upon another Living Being again. Yet, from my perspective, the Lessons are so many and so vast I cannot help suspecting that I will need a whole bouquet of lifetimes in order to learn them all. Yet that very awareness means I am growing.
Each time I experience the vulcanism of my rage – which erupts with the Force of our Earth Mother – I forget that pain dwells beneath the surface and Spirit has to remind me. Each time I encounter the minds of those who cannot conceive the wisdom I have already learned, I can forget that responding in kind – oh so tempting at times – simply shuffles me into my own lessons of pain-not-to-be-disseminated-again-for-the-sake-of-us-all. I do my best to be a part of the solution, yet find all my hurt-not-yet-in-awareness can continue to propel me into being a part of the problem. And that hurts.
I have no answers – only the sense that my sharing of experience might enable my Spirit to guide me to the most creative path of my intentions… and more pain.
So today, I am utterly my incomplete woman: where my failings are most obvious; where my deeply infectious wounds of Woman Experience rage for a solution that can only be found in re-experiencing the pain as a transformational path towards my wisdom. For this is how we heal, isn’t it? By opening, allowing, expressing all that we are in our present Truths…
… and still hoping for the best.
Thank you for listening. For I know that some of you do – men and women, known and #Anonymous, seen and unseen – for we are in the #Ether, finding our own #Truth, in our own #Way, to reclaim our #Life&Soul. #WomanIsSoul #EtherWomen #ForUsAll #WeAreOne