Welcome to The Asylum

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Just lost your rag with the world? Ready to chew out your partner/friend/family/colleagues/people in general? Just on the edge of getting yourself in real trouble? Welcome to The Asylum.

This establishment presently exists only in my imagination and I am its proprietor. It’s a bar (or pub, in English). Decorate it how you want. If you don’t drink, the bongs are in the back where the sofas are (you’ll have to negotiate with the cats – there are a lot of them and they know they own the joint). If you’re hungry, we serve your favourites or food that’s just about to become your favourite. Want music – check out the back room – that’s where the musicians hang out. The artists are out in the yard painting infinity. The comedians are all in the main bar! And if, after you’ve blown your stack, you need healing, ring the bell on the table at the bottom of the stairs. The local healers have rooms upstairs – they’ll fix you up. They’re good at what they do – only the best in my establishment.

The woman you see behind the bar is me. I’m a veteran of all the crap that’s just sent you off on one. Most of the regulars you find here are the same. If you need to explode, go ahead… we’ve all been there. No-one is going to be offended if you tell it as you see it. In fact, when one of our regulars loses it, we normally learn something useful that we can do something about.

For example – after learning how the ‘Dividers’ fucked with her clientele, this proprietor had a word with the local coven. Now The Asylum has a spell on it. So if you’re someone who has a problem with other people’s differences, you’re going to find yourself getting real uncomfortable. Take a look around – there’s all colours of the skin rainbow in here; there’s all shades of spirituality; all hues of human expression; all the chords of culture. We keep adding to the place when more of our ‘Differents’ turn up and erupt. So, if you know someone who might make the place even more different than it already is and they’re erupting, point ‘em in our direction. We got time for folk like that.

Don’t like this place? Tough. Fuck off someplace else and create your own establishment. The Asylum is obviously not meant for you and you’ll do yourself a favour by leaving under your own steam before a few of us throw you out.

Oh, that’s not a very nice thing to say, huh? Well, see, here we don’t do nice. We ‘do’ bad; we ‘do’ good, but we don’t do ‘nice’. We ‘do’ honesty and we do ‘Truth’ (when we can agree on it, otherwise we stick to ‘personal truth’) and our experiences with the ‘Dividers’ have made us dangerous. You really don’t want to piss off the clientele you see around you because they’re all out of patience, tolerance or understanding for anyone who thinks they can come in here and tell us how to live our lives. This is my bar and I’m all out of patience, etc, too. Numbnuts don’t last long around here.

The Asylum is the place where us veterans come to relax and do dumb shit stuff that makes us laugh – like the lolcat gallery our local Egyptian keeps updating on the wall over there. Sometimes folk arrive to talk about what they are learning – that’s what the large group of women ‘occupying’ over there are doing now. Woe betide anyone who thinks they can mess with those Wyrrd Sistas – the men don’t like it, frequently before the women realise they don’t either. You really don’t want to piss off the men in this joint.

So now you know – them’s the rules of the House. As I said, you don’t like them you can leave.

On the other hand, if this sounds like your kind of place, pull up a chair and what will you be having?

Watch the cats. One of them will do something funny on your wavelength that will crack any ice between us. Or if you need to be alone, try the back porch. Somehow it always manages to create a space for those who need time to be with the Universe – when you’re ready for company, someone will turn up with whatever attitude you need to help you out of the hole you’re in. Don’t ask me how it works – it just does. The Asylum does what it says on the tin when we keep to the house rules of Respect. Me? I just run the place.

Are you tired – like deep-down DNA-bone-tired? We all are. It’s what makes us cranky and bad-tempered out there in the world because we are dealing with muppets and numbnuts all the time. They really do ‘do your head in’! Now the twats in control are tearing our hearts out. In this place, we are way past the Fuck-It-Point. We may not have answers to our problems yet but we can sit and bitch about it. We can air our cynicism, rinse out our hopelessness, come to our senses and find out, amongst all our differences, exactly what we have in common. And when you’ve come to the end of everything you have, there’s a room upstairs with your name on it where you can crash. It’s no Hilton, but it’s clean, comfortable and you’ll get a good night’s sleep. Just a word of warning – if you leave the bottom half of the window open, the cats will get in and join you. Of course, you might like that and it’s for-sure that the cats will. Oh, you have a dog? If the dog knows how to get along with cats, no problem and if not, then the dog is going to be learning some whole new stuff. Same goes for all of Nature’s criaturas here – we get to see some remarkable things as a result.

Oh, and by the way, if there’s someone in the bar you really don’t understand, don’t worry about it. One of the regulars will and they’ll introduce you. Enjoy yourself. The Asylum is an off-duty place. If you’re in need of some human loving, bear in mind that those you might be told were ‘whores’ in TwatWorld are actually priests and priestesses in this part of town. They’re regarded as sacred in The Asylum which means you need to be real grateful if they offer human loving to you because they bring healing with their loving. Everyone gets treated with respect around here, especially them and especially the children, if they turn up. Most of the children think this stuff is boring so they don’t come in here much if we’re griping – they’ve got real interesting stuff to do… like imagining the future. If we all start laughing though, they turn up just to find out what’s funny.

So it only exists in my imagination at the moment? Well, rumour has it that a bunch of Anonymiss have booked the Webroom downstairs and some of our regulars suspect they’re going to create The Asylum in cyberspace… but you never know for certain with them. #Anonymous ideas run around creating all kinds of new places in this dimension *wink*.

Don’t worry yourself about all the scarey stuff I threw at you earlier – that’s simply to keep the muppets out. There’s always something that will piss them off and give them away. By the time you’ve reached this part of my ‘welcome’, you’re in.

So, do you have everything you need? Herbal tea? Coffee? Bourbon? Want me to send a bong over? Have you eaten? Want company? Need to be alone? It’s up to you. This is your imagination linkin’ up with mine, so you get decide what’s right for you while you’re off-duty.

All of us know we will head back into the fray once we’ve given ourselves some space to be who we really are – this place simply provides a place of respite and safety for us to be who we really are together. It helps!

Welcome to The Asylum!

 

PS.

If you’re into democracy, you might want to check this out!

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