This email was received on 5th November in reply to this post.
Of course it is right for you to be angry! Of course it is right for you to wish to help facilitate the changes in perception and implementation of how women desisters are treated and viewed both within the system and when they are *freed* from the building but not from the chains that prison continues to wrap around their very being.
My own view of your melt down is it is the most natural thing in the emotional world to be brought down low by the kindnesses…let me qualify that…somehow a strong woman can bear the adversity more stoically because she still has her protective behaviours primed for further onslaught…genuine kindness comes as such a profound shock…surprise that it doesn’t hit those defensive force fields somehow it fires straight into the soul being of *you* your essence what makes you an entirely unique beautiful person being recognised and held in value by another… After isolation and rejection nothing could ever be so profound! My soul arms are enfolding you now and gently rocking…this part of you is new and vulnerable as an infant just birthed and needs that nurturing to feel its connectivness to whole for the first time… Welcome to the world again.
I can only send my love and strength to help cocoon you through the shock that all infants feel after going through the birth process. Does that feel an apt analogy? xx
My view of your vision is it is one that will work…for some reason my brain is taking my thoughts to the work done with HIV sufferers in Africa who have been shuned segregated and disempowered by their patriarchal societies…I feel much could be learned and applied from their journey to acceptance…a prison also not of their making and yet still as real as a physical one.
I realise I haven’t touched on the prison issue the system itself…this is a new area to me one I know very little about…what I do know is confined to males and their experience as this is where my works have taken me but only on a surface level.
I am also painfully aware that as a woman I lack sufficient empathy and experience with other women as throughout my life I have found women so alien to me…my protective behaviours were to be as male as possible…it is a new experience to me to even have friendships with women. Dearest Dee I think you also have opened your heart to what you have said is the worst of you so it cannot be used as a weapon against you by the accusation of *you hid this*. To me it is not inconsequential as it is part of your journey…but it is not what defines your wholeness…many commit deeds in their hearts and minds which remain hidden but none the less have impact on their souls and the people around them although they are hidden in the depths of their being. I do hope that is making sense to you? Not one of us has NOT practiced this in our dark selves.
I will think more on this and reconnect with you again…it deserves more depth of thought than I have just now given, however I sensed a reply from raw unprocessed thought was appropriate also.
You are more than welcome to blog any or all of this reply it is not within my ability to do so from work.
The most tender thoughts and unconditional love accompany this on its journey to you… Peace and grace I wish for you with my full essence of being…lean into my arms
It would have been a sin to have died after receiving such an amazing message!