Do other people have problems accepting support and feeling gratitude because their feelings are so big?
This is how I’ve managed mine…
Email to a friend
It’s very hard to put this into words because your support is putting me into experiences I’ve not had before and I don’t know how to ‘behave’ properly. No-one has ‘invested’ in me in such a practical way this lifetime – not because they didn’t want to but because they couldn’t. I’m not complaining – experience has taught me the pitfalls and dangers of dependency as well as how to survive on my own.
Nevertheless, at present, I need this kind of help if I’m to recreate myself again. My therapy trainers would sometimes ‘work’ on my ability to accept such help in the past – I could give but had real problems receiving, as if it was somehow ‘wrong’. I don’t know about you, but my receiving ‘sphincter’ muscle has always needed help loosening from its ‘super-tight’ position. They would point out that, unless I loosened up, I could actually harm the energy coming in my direction – which spoiled it for both sides; giver and receiver.
Nevertheless, I’ve found that even when I’ve loosened up, receiving always generates a level of gratitude greater that often both sides can cope with comfortably. This is what I have learned to do with these feelings.
Firstly, there is my gratitude to you – the woman and friend. There is no way I can express it, so I’ve divvied my feelings up between the giving and receiving energies. In receiving (of which I have daily reminders) know this. Whatever you may believe about yourself in your own reality, in my Otherworld you will always have a friend and advocate. So if a part of you believes something bad or harmful about you, know that in my reality, I’m ready to stand by you with more than enough evidence to counter the harm. Remember I will only be using half the gratitude I’m experiencing to do this and I already know that it is going to be far more than will ever be necessary.
The other half of my gratitude will be channeled into giving to others the same kind of support you have given me. I know that, with your help, the quality of my giving will reflect my own experience of being given to; it will help me understand the very great problems some of us have in receiving this kind of support because we have learned to distrust it in the past. Nevertheless, I will continue to pass on the quality of your understanding, kindness and generosity in spirit as well as in kind. This is a permanent change – what you are giving me is an experience of being supported in an area of life where I have not received it before – this will change me to reflect that. Once changed, it cannot be unchanged – it becomes a part of who I am and will go with me when I die (storing treasures up in heaven).
Whatever may happen between us from now on, this exchange can never be completely undone. So know this – there exists, in this ‘universe of universes’, a soul who is forever grateful you exist. ‘You’ as in exactly who you are in this first moment of reading this and forever after. I don’t care about your history or any of the faults you may think you have – without them, you wouldn’t be you and this moment of gratitude wouldn’t exist. Having existed, it can never cease to exist – it will always be here in the akashic record – for you to access any time you need it. I especially recommend you access it whenever you are dealing with ideas that tell you you have no worth. I know you have a lot of them. So, whenever you remember to do it, remember how I fight on behalf of others and know that I am standing alongside you ready to prove these ideas wrong.
No-one – but no-one – can create what you have created not only for me but for others too – without belonging in our creative universe and I have reason to be profoundly grateful to the ‘U’ superstring and everything you have become since then. Any left-over gratitude between us, I give to the servants of the Earth Mother Goddess to share where it is most needed (which gives us a good excuse to make more, don’t you think? – you can loosen that sphincter muscle of yours too 😉 ).
It’s the only way I know how to manage these feelings.
How does that sound to you?
Because my friend is a private person whom I hold in the highest respect, I won’t share her response but she raised an interesting point, evoking this response from me.
More reasons to be grateful.
Yes – it is equally problematic to give as well. We are negotiating the walls and defences against receiving that others have.
I’ve learned most about this aspect from shamanism.
Each Soul I have ever encountered is a unique fractal – we can actually see the different structures in astrological birthcharts. What that means is that we each have places where we meet and where we don’t. Where we meet, we share what we are able to and where we don’t, we respect each others differences because they are what make us unique.
Sometimes, when we are ‘Blessed’ by the Creator Spirit, we encounter people where we can contribute to our mutual creativity. The Gratitude created by these encounters is what fuels the universe because we become role models for others to live by too. If its a big enough Gratitude, it sets off a chain-reaction in all those who come into contact with it because its the Love fractal that exists in all of us. I think of it as the superstring at the heart of who we are.
It is the most precious essence of the universe and to be ‘handled’ with exquisite care because each moment is evolutionary. We step on to new ground and expand our knowledge of the universe.
Thank you so much for evoking this in me so I could put it into words.
Would you mind if I tweaked my two emails into a blog? If we’ve got this right, these principles will apply universally for everyone who chooses Love.
For us, the worst we can ever do to each other is agree to disagree.
But I enjoy finding real agreement through our differences so much, I think l’m addicted to it 🙂 If I have to be addicted to anything (human nature), I think that’s a healthy one, don’t you?
So – are these good ways of managing big gratitude and might they loosen our defences against giving and receiving?
Often, the problem with giving and receiving are the strings attached to the exchange. True giving attaches no strings other than those of personal respect. For those of us aware of the difficulties in honestly negotiating this highly corrupted minefield, is it easier to give/receive half-gratitude if the rest is shared with others? It certainly works for me 🙂