Category Archives: Family history

“Back to the Future”



Waterfall nebula

Waterfall Nebula

This blog begins with a complaint from the ‘future’ about the failures of the past. One of my social-media friends was tweeting his anger and frustration towards his elders – my generation who, from his perception, had used their lives to free-ride whilst bequeathing all our problems to them. As far as I know, it’s possible that every up-coming generation feels this way – I remember expressing the same anger and frustration when I was young. Now my situation is reversed and it becomes ‘my fault’ the world is now the way it is. I have a lot of empathy with that view and it was remembering my own anger that frequently prompted me to enter situations that, without it, I may have let pass me by.

There’s always been that nagging question when I’ve faced down problems or blockages I’ve found in myself or my environment; what do I say to the children when they ask me what I did to stop this occurring? I’ve always known what kind of answers I would give but, then, have always been faced with the actions I must take to ensure my responses are authentic because children deserve no less. Yesterday, my long-awaited ‘moment’ arrived and this blog is my reply.


Artwork by Memtitued

Without doubt, the youth of today have a very valid complaint about the state of the world we are bequeathing to them. To all intents and purposes, any benefits my generation of Baby Boomers enjoyed have now been swept away and our grandchildren are facing the same poverty as was faced by my grandparents. It is as if we – and the world – have come full circle. It is not surprising that the young would criticize my generation’s apparent laziness and selfishness – we were, after all, the ‘me generation’ – because it certainly looks that way from their vantage point.  I remember feeling the same kind of grievances when I levelled equally valid criticisms at my own elders. It seems almost as if I have been preparing for this moment all my life. So here is my own answer.

On a personal basis, I have never stopped challenging the inequalities and iniquities of the social systems of the West I was born into. I fought as a shop steward in my twenties; an educator and psychotherapist in my thirties and forties; and, now, as a shaman in my fifties. My battles have ranged from the intrapersonal (with myself), through the familial, interpersonal, political, social and spiritual – and this is what I have learned along the way.

BPdgnHYCUAAopefFirstly, the social problems we are facing as a global community, are an ancient system buried deep within the pysche of humanity. Within our human community, there are very few who have remained untouched by this system and that it has caused untold harm to all life on earth – of that there can be no doubt. But how to describe this ‘Long View’ I have discovered during my travels. I tell the story in this way.

People have always drawn their deepest wisdoms from our environment and, in the West, we translated some of that wisdom into the discipline of Astrology. The astrology I learned, when I was thirteen years old, worked as a map – or guide – to the internal experience of life as ‘known’ by a particular moment in time on Earth. The moment of ‘birth’. Both astrology and psychotherapy attracted my teenager because they represented my first awakening that my human experience could be understood and, if need be, changed – I didn’t know people knew such things until then and I was so hungry to learn because I knew I had real problems I needed to deal with.

Nevertheless, the pressure of the mundane world – making a living and doing all those ‘things’ I had been socialised to do – forced these studies onto the back burner. I didn’t really start unpacking these maps until my thirties when I entered therapy, eventually becoming one of my teenage ‘dreams’ – a psychotherapist. Therapy deepened my understanding of how the planets worked in astrology, but neither study gave me the answers I was looking for. Those didn’t arrive until I realised my other teenage ‘dream’ by becoming a shaman. I discovered that by directing my intention down our least colonized pathways, I was gifted with the ability to see a compassionate tale of our human evolution despite its terrible consequences and the appalling situation we all find ourselves in now. Let’s see if I know the story well enough to tell it to my young friend now, in response to his perfectly valid criticism of my generation.

Armenia’s Stonehenge

Long, long ages past, lost within human memory but ‘known’ still deep within our souls, our experience of Earth was as if we lived in Eden because we dwelt within our natural instincts. It’s not to say that death, injury, sorrow and pain were unknown – for they surely were; these experiences have formed a part of the Life-Death-Life cycles on Earth from the very beginning. The tales are writ deep in our Great Mother’s bones. We humans live our tiny lives alongside the much longer cycles of Great Mother, She who leads the Dance of Life-Death-Life.

The way the story was told to me was this. The last time Great Mother entered Her Great Dying, She released a Great Cry of agony and grief for the loss of all her beautiful children – the echoes of her grief are still told amongst humans to this day. To ease her grief, the Creator Spirit elected to teach some of her new children emerging from the ashes how to help heal Her Wounds and assist during the next Great Cycle of Dying and ReBirthing. Both Creator Spirit and Great Mother searched amid the ashes of her Great Dying and found the few remaining females who became all of our foremothers so long ago in Africa. Into these mothers, the Creator Spirit placed a catalyst which would eventually result in the human spirit as we know it today: the ability to think, to become ‘conscious’; to become self-aware in a whole new way.

It’s not that we were ‘unconscious’ before – we were naturally instinctive, responding to the energy streams of Great Mother as naturally as breathing – an integral part of Her Great Tapestry of Life. The catalyst that resulted in our capacity for independent thought has enabled us to grow into an understanding of this world around us – where we could shape this world to fit our needs in ways that weren’t possible before. Human civilisations emerged from this catalyst – this ability to think in new and different ways. But what was the catalyst itself? I was told it was this: Free Will.

Thus began the Great Cycle of Human Evolution. When we began our journey through the explorations of Free Will, we still lived close to our instincts and our Great Mother. Our societies were Mother-led but as Free Will worked it’s way through our consciousness, we discovered we had other choices and began to explore where these would take us. With each move we made away from Great Mother, so we ‘lost’ our innate connection to our instinctive selves and came closer to our intellectual capacities to understand the world around us. We moved from Mother-knowing to Father-understanding. With each move towards intellect, our capacity to create miracles like Stonehenge or the Pyramids dwindled and this also included our knowledge of the universe around  us.  For example; there was a time when we had known and understood our solar system and Her place in our universe but this knowledge became buried in our instincts where our minds could not reach. At the very height of our Great Separation from Great Mother, the White peoples knowledge was limited to only seven visible satellites around our Great Sun Mother/Father and, so foolish did this limited knowledge make us that we believed Great Mother was flat and that we were the centre of the universe around which all Creation circled.

envisat_karman_vortex_canarie_20100606_h1It was the catalyst of Free Will coupled with human ingenuity that created our way out of this terrible error in thinking. Humans began to be industrious in work and sciences – eschewing and dismissing old knowledge like astrology in favour of mind-based understanding. We developed learning that could test our knowledge of the world. In the 1770’s, the White peoples ‘discovered’ that there was more to reality than we realised. The discovery of Uranus not only changed perceptions of the solar system, the ‘energy’ of this planet enabled a collective shift in consciousness. This gave the ability of ordinary people to collectively change their world and gave rise to dreams of a better world than contained within earlier  limited thinking imposed upon us.

Cross-section of a Molecule

Cross-section of a Molecule

In the following centuries came more new ‘information’ which re-established conscious links between instinct and intellectual awareness with the rediscovery of Neptune and Pluto. These impacts caused further changes within collective human consciousness that resulted in, at its very best, human beings being able to show Great Mother Her Own Beauty and, it worst, the true meaning of genocide and holocaust.

Our instinctive knowledge is being returned to us now, just as we enter the Great Dying again. For those humans who remember the reason for our journey, at the beginning of the Great Cycle, the time we have been yearning for throughout this bitter and painful journey has arrived but, as with all Creation, we must let go of our past in order to move forward, with our Great Mother, into Her Future.

Neutrino tracks (copyright: Cern Laboratories)

Neutrino tracks
(copyright: Cern Laboratories)

This is where we stand today. We better understand Free Will;  our power of Choice and its consequences. Until now, true Free Choice has not been available to humanity as we worked through the consequences of our choosing. Collectively, we are already down the Road of Returning. In human terms, that path began over three hundred years ago for the Peoples of White Medicine. Returning does not mean to live past mistakes all over again, but to re-turn towards Great Mother and Her instinctive wisdom of Life gifted with the intellectual knowledge of how Creation occurs. This is what our Great Journey outwards has been about.

When Great Mother’s season moves on to Rebirth, those humans who keep choosing to Re-Turn to Her Ways will be Her Allies and Helpers. Learning how to do that wisely has been what this past adventure has been about.

And this was where my story-teller ended the Tale.

So, how does that influence what I might say to the younger generation, who are angry with mine for our irresponsibility and the mess we are leaving behind us.

QT7i8Firstly, I have seen some of this wisdom in action in my own life. As I look down the generations of women I am birthed from, both my mother and grandmother were born before Pluto’s discovery. Each, in their own way, carried the Planet’s transformational power but only on an unconscious level. In Astrological terms, this means that the access to deep transformation was blocked to them – they could only go so far and no further. As a young woman, I did not understand this and there was no-one who could explain it satisfactorily to me at the time. Perhaps now, as someone on the other end of the argument today, I might offer my version to see if it is yet satisfactory to our new ‘young’.

I am amongst the first generation who was born with the power to transform. Pluto was rediscovered when occupying the sign of Cancer – the transforming ‘Mother’. We notice the synchronicity of Mother issues – together with the highly destructive expression of ‘father’ issues within human society. The first generation to feel the full impact of Pluto upon our consciousness was my own. Pluto was in Leo – a perfect description of the ‘Me’ generation but it is also interesting in the message that seems to say ‘Before we can change the world, we must change ourselves.’ It might look like self-indulgence to those who face such enormous problems in their own future but our collective awareness didn’t finish expanding. Chiron was rediscovered in 1977 – I don’t have conscious awareness of this power unless I choose to go looking for it. For you youngsters, you were born with this gift.

BPdfJjyCUAAJb_mThe solar system I studied in Astrology some forty five years ago has altered beyond all recognition. It has become infinitely more complex. As young people, you will have access to knowledge and wisdom now that I cannot even conceive of, because I am now – like my mother and grandmother before me – a woman of my time. My conscious ability is limited in what I am able to do, not because I am stupid – far from it – but because I am wise enough to know my limitations. We are but leaves of one season on the Tree of Life – you are unfurling to your fullest abilities whilst I turn the colours of autumn and will soon nourish the Earth to nourish this Life we are a part of.

Your Elders are wise in experience but limited in their ability to see the Future because that is your skill. Your ‘limitations’ will be to deal with the consequences of our mistakes when we took a hand, not because we are the irresponsible generation but so you can see how we failed. If you look around you, you will see members of your own generation failing too. This is because we have all yet to deal with the original catalyst.

BPfOcz2CIAExCd7We all have to explore issues of Free Will ourselves and on our own terms. Humanity, as a whole, is slowly moving towards the consequences of the choices we have made – particularly in the West… what I call the White energies of the Medicine Shield. Astrologically speaking, each generation born now comes with a greater capacity for Free Will than before which means that some people have the potential to lead our White energy in our Re-Turn to Great Mother’s Medicine Shield. But we will have to leave behind our bad old ways. This cannot be done overnight. Neither yours nor my generation have that ability. All we can do is ‘grow’ ourselves towards it and our histories are like rings within the Tree of Life. Each generation is ‘bigger’ than the last. You may not feel it now but the generation behind you is already nipping at your heels, chivving you along, challenging you not to be the hypocrites you claim we are.

And your challenge… eventually? To stand in my shoes and give answer to the charge to from the young that your generation was irresponsible when you were caretakers for the planet.

To you, my young friend, my answer is that I have always done by best with what was available to me at the time. I won’t apologise for my mistakes because they taught me to be wise enough to answer you but I am sorry for them nonetheless. No human being would wish our current situation upon another. My generation were prevented from dealing with it but I know you will be able to do more than we could and I am still here to help. I haven’t stopped battling – once we learn how to exercise our Free Will for the sake of others, we know our true worth and we never give it up, no matter how much it might hurt us.

And the prize?

tumblr_lzjcjsGDXG1ro46rko1_500For me? Three times in my life I have had the chance to turn a dream into a reality. The first was political – I ran a trade union for a short while but I ‘failed’, so I turned inwards to find out if the problem was me. In doing so, I began to realise my second dream; to become a psychotherapist but I still didn’t find what I was looking for. My third dream was to become a woman of magic dedicated to healing. This was the most unattainable of all – the crazy notion of a 1950’s child of the ‘respectable’ Tory-London suburbs. Yet, this ‘dream’ is my life now and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else on earth, not only for loving it so much but also because it gave me the answers I share with you now. This is what Pluto in Leo taught my generation – the power of personal transformation. I have learned that for as long as someone uses that power for personal gain rather than collective benefit, the Peoples suffer. I have learned to pay close attention to quantum mechanics, Complexity theories and other sciences because they are revealing how my magic works. These are the gifts of my generation to yours – they are the baton in our evolutionary Re-Turn relay that will eventually create the Rainbow Nation.

In our times, we are the Rainbow Warriors – acknowledging our responsibilities; accepting our limitations; and yet still leaping into the Void in pursuit of our Peoples’ dreams.

Welcome to the world of Adults, young man. I offer unconditional Respect; for you are our Future and, as both Creator Spirit and Great Mother know, we need you now.


Thanks to Julienne for this picture.

Thanks to Julienne for this picture.

An Open Letter to the TUC Conference



To Frances O’Grady, the new General Secretary of the TUC



My very dear Sister,


You have no idea how long I have waited to be able to greet a Leader of the UK Trade Union movement as ‘Sister’. It makes such a difference to how I say the following and how it might be heard. I know you have a busy few days ahead and that your agenda was decided ages ago but very recent political changes might allow for the odd emergency motion. Even if that isn’t possible, perhaps some of the points I raise might influence future TU thinking about the problems facing all ordinary people.

As someone who is moving slowly from sickness benefit to self-employment I’m not eligible for TU membership but as a former shop steward and TU activist during the Thatcher era I’ve never lost the ‘attitude’. From what I am observing, just about every union member has reason to object to current government plans, whether they are affiliated to the TUC or not. What I would ask you, as the new TUC General Secretary, is to remember  that these problems are being faced by everyone, whether they are a TU member or not, because the hardships your members are facing are already impacting upon those living at the poverty end of our social spectrum. I doubt if you need reminding. Your grassroots membership will be directly experiencing these issues anyway.

The trade union movement and ordinary people have faced these kinds of Tory – (and, sadly, Labour) – problems before and the Coalition seems intent on following the same agenda. It starts with  attacks upon resources, which can be on the existence of work itself; terms and conditions; pay;  pensions; and/or a combination of all the above.  The TU movement traditionally responds with protest marches, industrial action and strikes which, sadly, have been known to fail miserably. Given the present Coalition government and its attitude towards the electorate in general, the possibility of further failure starts to look like becoming a miserable reality. With this in mind, I would like to suggest an addition to any actions the TU movement might be considering.

One of the phrases that has apparently fallen off the collective UK agenda in recent times is the issue of the social contract between governed and government. If I look for legislation that might cover this, I find myself looking at Human Rights law. Fortunately this continues to remain in force within the UK (for the time being) and can therefore be tested. The Act recognises peoples’ right to very basic requirements, like life itself, which are under apparent attack from our government. The existence of the Act could offer a route to challenge what is occurring if dealt with in the proper way.

From my own perspective, the heart of government attack upon the social contract resides in the repeal of the UK government’s obligation to provide universal healthcare in England.  That this has been enacted by a government-without-mandate; who purposefully disguised their intentions prior to their election; and who actively withheld advice on the changes being proposed when the matter came to be debated in Parliament, points to an intentional breach of a UK social contract that had been in place for sixty years.  Removing this right to health-care goes to the heart of both the social contract and Human Rights legislation because it affects everyone. At the very least, it ought to be subject to informed debate and any honourable government proposing such a massive change has a social responsibility to put the matter to those affected by it, if not by election then by referendum at the very least. That our present government actively chose to circumvent this democratic process in order to force these changes upon the people ought to be challengeable through the courts even if the aim is simply to require the democratic right to vote on it. If fundamental human rights are being withdrawn by government then, in a democracy, the people have to give informed consent – the people of our country were not told, nor were they asked. In fact, they were intentionally misled. This has been called “a deceitful way to govern”, particularly when set alongside the removal of accessible safeguards or advice to help those affected by such changes.

I am no lawyer but, in the past, when employment law failed to provide the necessary vehicle for problem resolution, trade unionists fought their cases via contract law. Human Right’s legislation forms part of our social contract. If that contract has been violated, then laws ought to exist that challenge this. If the TUC were to consider exploring this possibility, I suspect there is a firm chance that you would find yourself backed by the public in ways you have not been before.

For those outside the trade union movement – and particularly those outside work – it can be hard to feel a part of the ‘working class’ given the issues being fought. Strikes around pensions or pay mean little to us and this creates conflict even though the issues impact upon us all. It’s hard to work up enthusiasm about protecting public-service pensions, for example, when we can’t feed our families, heat our homes or find meaningful work. This isn’t meant to be critical of trade unions – from past experience, I can fully understand the need to address such issues – but it is a fact and it results in the unions themselves becoming isolated, which makes you easier to pick off. I know industrial action may look as though it is about money, and this can be true, but I also know that public service unions act to protect the existence of the services their members provide to us. Such protective industrial action will be under consideration by your conference this week and it is also being considered elsewhere.

Without doubt, if the trade union movement embarks on major industrial action in the face of government attrition towards our public services, in all likelihood you will be attacked using the same old divisive tactics, especially if the issues are limited to pay or pensions. On the other hand, if the trade union movement, as a whole, were to include legal challenges aimed at restoring the democratic process by demanding a referendum on the peoples’ right to health care, or whether our emergency services should be subject to privatisation, or *fill in this space*, the chances of your attracting collective public support could be extremely high. The TUC and the trade unions might not be able to do this directly, under your rules, but I doubt these would prevent you jointly creating an organisation that could.

Ordinary people have been looking for help and finding none. The Labour Party’s performance in these areas has been abysmal; too many Labour MP’s and peers seem to be profiting from these government changes to render it trustworthy. The usual cries of solidarity with Labour are likely to fall on very stony ground as far as the poor are concerned because Labour has been silent for too long and appears complicit in government attacks upon the needs and resources of ordinary people.  For the TUC, this problem is for the Labour Party address, but if the so-called political wing of the trade union movement is failing in its duty, then perhaps it’s time to create another wing, beyond the reach of party politics, that will tackle these issues.

Speaking as one woman to another, when the hungry children of our country are viewed in this way, there is a crying need for democratic change. Based upon recent behaviour, we will not be getting this from many of the incumbent parliamentarians, regardless of party. The only other existing routes for the people are through the likes of the trade union and other social movements.

As the new Leader of the TUC, I’m asking you to consider these points and lead the collective action needed to successfully challenge our undemocratic government through the use of Law. This can be done in addition to any other actions the trade union movement may deem necessary.

If the people, as a whole, know you are acting on their behalf as well as in the interests of your members, the inevitable hardships that follow can be faced together. We’ve seen this happen before during the Miner’s strikes of the 1980’s, when the women stepped up to stand alongside the men. Were the women of the TUC to spearhead a democratic initiative to force referendums on present government plans, I suspect that this phenomenon would happen again. Why women? Because they are the people who hear and feel their children crying from hunger!

These are only ideas – I’ll circulate them to see if they gain traction. In the meantime, perhaps Conference delegates would be willing to consider them too, since we’ve got them altogether.

Thank you for listening.


In sisterhood,



Dee Wilde-Walker

Guest Blog: “To Have Power Over Power” by “Z”


This is a very deep rabbit-hole. Z is going to guide you through it.


He defines the problem and then shows us how we have already found the solution. However busy you are, make time to read this. Whatever remaining issues we have with each other are, if not, resolved, then certainly signposted.


This describes, in his own words, exactly how I see the world. This is the kernel, the essence, upon which we structure our unique selves. I cannot praise this higher. This is the EtherSec and we are it’s family. All different. All colours. All spirits, both known and unknown – seen and unseen.


This is the paradox. We are One. We are individual. We are family. We are brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles – but we parent ourselves. Aethists are welcome but they are not allowed to disrespect this energy. We are Respect.

Well, #Anons – I think you are about to be #Occupied by #EtherSec.

Meet Z.

And give him the respect he deserves.


“To Have Power Over Power”


I have not asked Z’s permission to reblog this because I believe it to fall within the Law of Give-Away. In return for my creative theft, I have added my own individuality and my Voice as a Woman. This is a permited crime, as he will tell you.

You are invited to help create a Global Heart/Mind #ChainBlog – please use this hashtag when posting so the rest of our Family can get your measure. Write in your native language – allow us to translate your words into our own – someone bi-lingual will want to share this with the language of their own Heart. This is how we teach each other.

This is the Rabbit-Hole of Love – and this is why #WeRWon <<< use this when you post, but only if you respect this enough to #LoveIt 😉


#EtherSec #TangoDown The Guardian and how covert censorship works



“The Guardian” newspaper is a part of my personal and social heritage as someone who was raised a socialist. It never really was a socialist paper – more soft liberal – but for the intelligentsia who couldn’t bring themselves to read “The Morning Star”, the Graundiad was a passable choice. Not anymore.

To read the Guardian now is to understand that there are some very fine journalists working there. They report stuff like this – in good detail and fine attention. I have no doubt that there are many good and fine people working for the paper too. I have no argument with them. My argument is with whoever is making the decisions that other staff have to carry out.

I have an ‘old’ account with the Grauniad (bearing in mind I have only been ‘back’ on the net for a year or so). Today I logged on to take part in this:-

My late father would have been tickled to bits with my score, especially if I could tell him that on some questions I guessed when I didn’t know. Even I was pleased with how I did and I am my worst critic. So the Guardian comment beneath my score prompted this reply:-

But there was something interesting I noticed. It prompted me to post a tweet to people I trusted. I’m very grateful for this reply:-

This is not the Guardian website I knew less than a year ago, let alone the paper my family paid good money for for over more than forty years.

There is a rule I need to apply to myself here – Do not criticise without proposing a solution. Because I prefer people to make up their own minds and use their own imagination, I make no proposals. I will simply share this because I have already acted.

On twitter, I’m called a global Citizen – I accept that responsibility. I am called a friend – I accept that privilege. I continue to call myself a shaman in the face of derision and oblivion curses because I’m still here after all their attempts to destroy me. And I’ve just been given a job by people who set very high standards. I am posting this for them only because I prefer to be elected rather than chosen. Otherwise , I am honoured and seek to comfirm my worth and their opinion. I know the importance of being valued (see last paragraph). You can find us here #ATL.

I never want to let down those who choose or trust me because that kind of respect is so hard-won and it comes only from those who work hard to be honest. We need to value each other for who we are, especially when we are different. The Guardian used to do that for everyone but it appears to have suffered a failure of courage – no comments on a Comment Cartoon anymore? Cartoonists getting too close to the bone to allow people to speak?

So I say this because I believe it falls under the law of “Fair comment”.

The Guardian newspaper is corrupt at the top but not neccessarily in the middle 😉

Sue me!

“Holding” Patterns for the New


“Do not be afraid to go out on a limb – that is where the fruit is!” – Anon


Sometimes I go out on a limb. It may be where the fruit is at harvest time but, in my experience, for the rest of the year I can look, and feel, like a fool wondering what on earth I am doing out here. Now is a good example, having posted two family telling-tales that apparently have little to do with anything other than myself.

When I act in this way, there is normally an internalised ‘blow-back’ from Neuro-Typical[i] (NT) thinking that surrounds most of us in our daily lives. I find myself shrinking under the well-established Matrix tones that shut down innovation, discourage experimentation and harshly oppose anything that might undermine it; the ‘voices’ sound like all those who have judged and found me wanting in their eyes throughout my life, especially as a woman. These are the ones who begin their tirade with “Who do you think you are?”

These days, going out on a limb enables me to examine those NT voices for their veracity and integrity. I give thanks to my past therapeutic work which loosened this stranglehold upon my Spirit because, at some point during the internal tirade, another voice will appear that supports the risk and challenges I have just taken. In this instance, the angelic voice asked me what kind of responsibility I felt towards my ancestral Mothers.

When I consider the lives they lived and the daily struggles they had to contend with, I see each generation breaking with familial tradition in one way or another where they can (my grandmother and my mother) or succumbing to lives of unbearable and unseen suffering where they did not. I am both daughter and granddaughter to women who did their best to break these traditions of suffering. It would be dishonourable, in my eyes, to refuse to continue their work. As this realisation takes root, the NT voices begin to dissolve like morning mist around the tree branch I am clinging to and I can begin to see more clearly why I am out here.

There exists a theory about how this process works. It began with the researches by Gestalt psychologists in the 1930’s around perception and was deepened into Gestalt Therapy by the likes of Fritz and Lore (Laura) Perls. It emerges as the Cycle of Change which will be explained in more detail in my next blog because I suspect that it could inform a great deal of what our collectively emerging humanity is coping with. The beauty of this Cycle is that it works in any and all dimensions – perceptively, emotionally, spiritually, materially, individually, collectively and, possibly, as evolution.

Gestalt is a German word that is particularly difficult to translate into English. It means: shape, pattern, configuration and contains the idea that apparently separate and unconnected pieces form into shapes/configurations that open up new perceptions, awareness, knowledge or growth when understood from the emergent pattern. Gestalt is also one of the German terms for “Spirit” or “God” and this fits with my own understanding that the essence of a gestalt is not simply the patterned pieces but the space inbetween them too. It is a disarmingly simple yet profoundly complex configuration of ideas that never fails in its freshness whenever I am reminded of its existence.

That I need reminding about my knowledge of Gestalt says a great deal about the world we live in these days and NT thinking. The latter claims to have the monopoly of knowledge whilst busily repressing innovation or creativity it cannot control. In effect, it seeks to occupy the space between the facts in order to control our perceptions and emotions by operating a system of exclusion. In doing so, it commits the Sin of Hubris because not even God (however you imagine that Essence) can exclude anything created – only man thinks he can do that.

So, in holding this new pattern emerging from my awareness over the last few days, I find I can add new reasons to my list of why I have acted, and continue to act, in the way that I do; because I am the daughter and granddaughter of women who challenged the NT status-quo wherever and whenever they could, and I agree with them.

Notwithstanding that I am still out on the limb, these two fruits – my Mothers’ bloodline and the remembrance of Gestalt – have been worth the effort of collecting. Gestalt can be shared more easily with the collective but maybe, just maybe, other women might choose to recapitulate and meditate on their bloodlines. It could be the necessary revelation my sisters need to free themselves of whatever is preventing their growth.


[i]  I would like to express my gratitude and appreciation to the Asperger’s and Autistic communities for the term “neuro-typical” – although I am using it to describe the closed-mindedness of those unwilling to engage with difference or who are declining to grow.

“Hidden Beneath the Surface” – A GreatGrandmotherTelling of Family History Part Two: The Great-granddaughter’s Tale


For once, just this once, people can do their own research. What I tell you is as a True a Telling as it was told to me.

In 2002, the Great Mystery had me living in Pearson Park in Kingston-upon-Hull.

Pearson Park is very unusual. The brainchild of Zachariah Pearson, it was created during the reign of Victoria and Albert – the last time we had a genuine love-match on the British throne. Albert knew Pearson and he was interested in what was being created in Pearson Park and the Avenues.

There is a legend told that speaks of the men’s interest in Spirituality; of how they planted big crystals around the park, designed by the architect same as New York’s Cental Park (I forget his name). My experience as a Shaman tells me the energies of the park and avenues do accord with that possibility. The trees are involved in this network too. It wouldn’t surprise me if it lay close to a leyline too.

The original houses around the park are quite individual and very creative. Whoever envisaged  them had a great deal of imagination. Even the terraces of the Avenues tweak their individuality. When I lived there, a shaman was sculpting the remaining trunks of dead/dying trees. I remember the ornate fountains where the locals gathered to celebrate New Year. The creative power contained within the whole area is astounding to a sensitive like me.

What I didn’t know when I moved there was that my great-grandmother had lived only just a couple of streets away, or that the modern terrace in Pearson Park where my local historian lived, is built on the foundations of the convent where my aunt went to school. A few doors down from there, towards Princes Avenue, is the house where Phillip Larkin lived in his attic flat.

Pearson Park is an absolute jewel. It has its own Law, set down by Zachariah Pearson when he gave his creation to the people of Kingston-upon-Hull. He was a staunch Christian by that time and he knew how to write Law. When Hull City Council tried to tear down one of the original houses, the Park’s historian fought them and won. Pearson Park has its own Law.

I met some truly remarkable people in Pearson Park; a beautiful, mystical belly-dancer with the name of a Leonard Cohen song; magical mothers; musicians playing purple woolly bagpipes on a cool and misty Sunday morning.

These were my treasures. They balanced the darkest journey I had ever taken in my life.

For you see in 2003, in Pearson Park, I became a dangerous criminal according to Kingston-upon-Hull.

Today, this is my response to the city of my Great-Grandmother: If you think I’m dangerous, you should have met the Opposition. And if you think I’m a criminal, you should REALLY meet the Opposition. That city didn’t have much of a problem with Ian Huntley – until Holly and Jessica lost their lives. The old Chief Constable hung on, aided and supported by the Head of the Police Board, until he was shamed out of office. The Head of the Board has an interesting history around prosecution for child abuse but nothing has ever been proved. I hear he’s the Mayor of the city this year. It’s enough to set Zachariah Pearson’s crystals spinning!

One of the things I was doing at that time was a requested Soul Retrieval for the city. I discovered that the essence of Soul for Kingston-upon-Hull dwells in Pearson Park. Islam can be found in Pearson Park – there is a mosque. The Essence of Christianity can be found in Pearson’s Law for the Park when it was given to the people. There are a lot of people who bring their Faith to Pearson Park, including this shaman when I lived there. The Park did not disappoint but those who run that city do.

They disappoint the Spirit of William Wilberforce and Zachariah Pearson.

In disappointing me, those who run Kingston-upon-Hull broke faith with the four generations of women from my family but explained the problems they had that I had never properly understood.

I will not return there. My ancestress’s deserve better.

“Hidden Beneath the Surface” – A GreatGrandmotherTelling of Family History Part One: The Great-Grandmother’s Tale


This is a True Telling. One which can now be told after keeping my promise to my grandmother’s sister that I would not reveal the tale until her children were gone too. Molly, her daughter, died recently and her son is gone… somewhere. If he is supposed to know this tale, it will find him.

My grandmother’s sister was called Lily, the youngest daughter of four children, born in, if I remember rightly, 1903. My grandmother, Violet (born 1900) was apparently embittered by Lily’s birth according to myth because Lily was both adored and adorable. Lily remained adorable all her life and I would go to stay with her both as a child and as an adult. This Telling Tale is about the last time I saw her… the last time I stayed.

It has been a long while since I had stayed with her and I was no longer a child. I was politically active, examining my sexuality and, maybe, already in therapy and I was concerned that we might have nothing in common. Perhaps I was afraid that I might not be able to love her anymore. I need not have feared.

The moment of separation came when we were watching television news reports of the women’s protest at Greenham Common. “They should go back to their children and husbands” announced Lily. Since I had, by that time, been to Greenham Common to join the protest alongside my Mother I could not stay silent and I began to argue with her. She believed parents should stay together for the children, I told her I wished mine hadn’t. I told her what it was like to grow up in that kind of open conflict. I told her women and children deserved better than the abuse meted out by some husbands. Somewhere in those moments, Lily made a decision to tell me her Truth and as I came to the end of my flow, so she began hers.

Behind this adorable woman, in this loving marriage, so loved by my extended family, was a woman who had been abandoned by her profligate husband just after giving birth to Molly. Her parents came to get her and, when he reappeared, had urged her to leave him but Lily decided, for the sake of her daughter, to remain in the marriage. That Charlie Taylor was as toxic as they come was told in the health of his daughters, whom he hated as much as he hated Lily. Molly was always sickly and a bout of a serious childhood illness left her unable to have children of her own. Molly was as lovely as her mother. She was one of the loveliest human beings I have ever met.

Lillian, Lily’s second daughter, was a ‘blue baby’ as a result of a heart defect which can be corrected now but couldn’t then. Blue children weren’t supposed to live very long but Lily told me why she didn’t live longer than her mid-twenties (?). Every time Lillian went into crisis, Lily was able to keep her alive through the power of her Love – just by holding her hand. Lillian died when the hospital prevented her from doing this. (Aside: I have witnessed this power of Love between mother and daughter since. I remember you very well, Stella Shirin Fortune, and your mother, Sue who believed Shirin died because she was a bad mother. No, Shirin died because the hospital committed an act that severed the Love connection between them. )

Lily told me that when she did her duty to her husband, he hated her even more. She said she didn’t truly appreciate what hate was or how deep it went until he was dying in hospital. Even the most difficult of people can learn to give up hating when they find themselves dying but that man was born hating and saw no reason to change. It’s a hard lesson to understand when most loving people simply cannot imagine living any other way. But there are people whose substance is made of hate. It is what they are and it is their nature to feel murderous towards Love in any shape or form.

In his prophecies of the end times, Jesus talked about families turning against each other. It is my understanding that this is occurring to humanity now and that part of our Awakening is to realise that the ones who did the ‘turning’ did so a while back. They come in all varieties and a lot of them seem to be running the world.

On that note, this part of the Telling Tale comes to a close here because we will be changing dimensions. This is a time for telling the Telling Behind the Telling. This is the Test of Truth. The one we thought we knew and now this one, only to discover there is yet another story behind here too… if you know where to look… and if you can move dimensions.